Love and requiting

I've been thinking about relationships, couples, and dating. There's this whole game of how people act for or with other people. It's seen as a stronger person or a needy person. After all stronger people are more attractive and needy is draining. I've been on both sides of the equation. And personally I don't like being in either position.
But I think that this result is a combination of two things. Part of it is amount put toward a relationship. And part of it is how one's self image especially in relation to the other person effects the outcome of a relationship.
If someone feels like there's any reason they shouldn't get another person, that insecurity will come out and be portrayed as neediness.
But there is also the level of affection or amount of importance given in someone that effects the level or satisfaction in a relationship. If one person has too much of that (more than the other person feels comfortable with) then it can drive away the other person. But if both people give the same high amount then they will likely be highly satisfied. I guess the question then becomes what creates how much affection one shows and importance one puts in another.
One is of course sex. Guys are especially famous for being willing to say anything to get into bed (girls wouldn't have to try as hard).
Another is mental intimacy. This is one given in friends and relatives. A familiarness that you share together and respect.
And sometimes that amount of umph put into a relationship is for an idea or ideal. Usually it's for a selfish reason (even if well warranted in some cases - selfish just meaning with mainly self in mind). For example:
an arranged marriage if for traditions (ideal instilled by the parents) (on the other hand it probably with hope grows into mental intimacy)
a trophy wife (or rich husband)
loneliness or not wanting to be alone (the need to have someone to love you)